In loving Memory of my Treasured Friend

In loving and most treasured memory of the most loyal Friend and Companion I have ever know. I love and miss you so very much. Please forgive me. You will never be out of my heart.

MURU DANIELS

January 30th, 2007 – February 27th, 2011

My dog and best canine friend died February 27th, 2011. I just found out today. He was under the care of someone I loved and trusted. They didn’t know how to tell me, so for nearly 3 months he’s been gone without my knowing. I assumed he was safe.

Its my fault he died. He was run over and left to die alone. I’m told he didn’t suffer. I know he was happy where he was at. I got to see him just a few days before. He didn’t know me at first but before I left he had his head in my lap as I petted him. He remembered me.

I wonder if he remembered how happy I was when he was given to me as a present by my then Girlfriend. He was just a little ball of fluffy snow back then. I wonder if he remembered how I saved his life by plucking over 80 ticks off his little body when I got him home. His breeders had not taken care of him.

I wonder if he remembered running around and playing. I wonder if he remembers trying to rape the male cats every chance he got. I wonder if he remembers jumping into bed with me while I held him close when my marriage ended and couldn’t stand to be alone. He laid there, loyal, loving and faithful as always.

But what I wonder most is if he remembered me abandoning him. I wonder what his days were like when I was forced to leave for Washington because I had no choice and left him behind. I wonder if he remembered my betrayal.

What he didn’t know is how many times I tried to get money up to fly him to Washington. What he didn’t know is how many nights I cried over missing him. What he never knew was how badly I needed him. I wonder if he needed me as much as I needed him.

Now, knowing he’s been gone for so long I wonder if he saw me cry for him today. I wonder if he heard my wails as tears fell like cold, hard rain in the dark of fall. I wonder if he finally saw that I had never wanted to leave him. I loved him…love him.

I held his collar for so long and so tight I hurt my hand. I wonder if he is watching me as some say the spirits of dogs will do for their Masters\Mistress’s.

I doubt it. Why would he? He didn’t know why I had to leave, he only knew I left. I failed him. God forgive me.  Though I know he lived his life free, running with the wind and sleeping under the stars, having plenty of food and water, I still would have liked to watch him sleep one last time.

He is the second dog I have betrayed. The first I allowed my mother to put to sleep when my dad died because we had no place for him. He was my dog and then Dad took him to MN so he would have company. They loved each other and I saw him often when I visited. I should have done something, said something more, cried out for mercy and begged for his 13 year old life to be spared. Mom believed this was better for him. I had no control. No Rights. I watched him go to sleep and I wonder to this day if his last thoughts on this earth were “Why?” or “What did I do wrong?”

Muru was buried by a neighbor whom he hung out with a lot down around Lawrenceburg. I was not asked if I wanted to bury. I was not allowed to pay final respects. I know this will haunt me for years to come. I never got closure.

Though Muru is gone I know he was happy and loved. I’m so sorry I failed again. 4 years is not enough life. Muru, I love you so much. Thank you for all you did for me; for the laughs and joy and the shoulder when I had none. Surely if not all dogs go to heaven, this one will. Goodbye Muru. I’m so so sorry.

Rest peacefully in open fields under cool, blue skies and piles of fresh snow to play in. Jesus, if dogs do go to heaven, please tell him he’s a good boy for me and he took care of me well. He was your gift to me and you were right to take him back. I hope he’s waiting for me when I pass on, right beside you, O’ Lord.

Love forever and for always my little “small pile of fresh snow”

Livia Daniels


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