In treasured loving memory of Muru. 2007 – 2011

MURU DANIELS

January 30th, 2007 – February 27th, 2011

My dog and best canine friend died February 27th, 2011. I just found out today. He was under the care of one someone I loved. They didn’t know how to tell me, so for nearly 3 months he’s been gone without my knowing. I assumed he was safe.

Its my fault he died. He was run over and left to die alone. I’m told he didn’t suffer. I know he was happy where he was at. I got to see him just a few days before. He didn’t know me at first but before I left he had his head in my lap as I pet him. He remembered me.

I wonder if he remembered how happy I was when he was given to me as a present by my then Girlfriend. He was just a little ball of fluffy snow back then. I wonder if he remembered how I saved his life by plucking over 80 ticks off his little body when I got him home. His breeders had not taken care of him.

I wonder if he remembered running around and playing. I wonder if he remembers trying to rape the male cats every chance he got. I wonder if he remembers jumping into bed with me while I held him close when my marriage ended and couldn’t stand to be alone. He laid there, loyal, loving and faithful as always.

But what I wonder most is if he remembered me abandoning him. I wonder what his days were like when I left for Washington because I had no choice and left him behind. I wonder if he remembered my betrayal.

What he didn’t know is how many times I tried to get money up to fly him to Washington. What he didn’t know is how many nights I cried over missing him. What he never knew was how badly I needed him. I wonder if he needed me as much as I needed him.

Now, knowing he’s been gone for so long I wonder if he saw me cry for him today. I wonder if he heard wails as tears fell like cold, hard rain in fall. I wonder if he finally saw that I had never wanted to leave him. I loved him…love him.

I held his collar for so long and so tight I hurt my hand. I wonder if he is watching me as some say the spirits of dogs will do for their Masters\Mistress’s.

I doubt it. Though I know he lived his life free, running with the wind and sleeping under the stars, having plenty of food and water, I still would have liked to watch him sleep one last time.

He is the second dog I have betrayed. The first I allow my mother to put to sleep when my dad died because we had no place for him. I should done something, said something more, cried out for mercy and begged for his 13 year old life to be spared. I watched him go to sleep and I wonder to this day if his last thoughts on this earth were “Why?” or “What did I do wrong?”

Though Muru is gone I know he was happy and loved. I’m so sorry I failed again. 4 years is not enough life. Muru, I love you so much. Thank you for all you did for me; for the laughs and joy and the shoulder when I had none. Surely if not all dogs go to heaven, this one will. Goodbye Muru. I’m so so sorry.

Rest peacefully in open fields under blue skies. Jesus, if dogs do go to heaven, please tell him he’s a good boy for me. He was your gift to me and you were right to take him back.

Love forever and for always my little “small pile of fresh snow”

Livia

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~ by LiVia on May 25, 2011.

3 Responses to “In treasured loving memory of Muru. 2007 – 2011”

  1. I believe pets that are friends and family remember those good and loving times. He must have remembered you brcause that love never dies. Sometimes animals have a greater since of love than us humans.
    Don’t feel at fault. Sometimes things are out of our control. We want to be there but can’t. You live is obvious and I’m sure he felt it. Warm and loving wishes to you.

  2. Thank you for sharing this Olivia. He is a beautiful animal. I’ve lost a few dogs myself. I believe he can feel your love for him even now. My heart to you honey.

  3. Try not to blame yourself. You truly loved Muru and he had a wonderful life thanks to you.

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