V for Veil

I offer my apologies to those who read these rambles but yesterday was a mess of a day that forced me to retire for those hours I usually spend here. I do hope that this little piece more then makes up for it.

As I viewed the various articles today a few stood out. One, a simple poem about Gay Marriage to the toon of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” left me smiling and another, to whom I must confess is the reason for the “Veil” title, was this Man. His brief entry got me thinking on one or two of my past posts and then I found myself remembering when I thought this way, and sometimes still do.

The sad fact is, that so many of us, Transsexual and LGB alike, feel the need to hide ourselves. We fear what others will say or think. We fear losing our jobs or friends or family. FEAR is the true culprit that forces us to Hide or otherwise “Veil” ourselves to the world.

For too long  have Gay, Bi-sexual, Lesbian and Transsexual Soldiers spilled blood or died all for a country who despised them. It reminds me of the days when Black slaves were asked to fight in the civil war and were indeed credited for turning the tide in the war, yet they were segregated, paid less and often not treated well by their fellow officers. How horrific it must be to lay there upon the ground, a victim of a war or perhaps a simple accident, bleeding, dying and thinking to yourself that no one ever knew the REAL you.

How terrible it must be to Veil who you are because of FEAR. This fear is of course justified. We live in a time where our own states and Government prevent us basic human rights. The same entity sworn to protect us, is our own jailer. We cannot marry whom we wish, we find it hard to locate jobs that are accepting of our true Gender Identity. We were forced to serve our country in the closet, sometimes wondering and living under the fear that today would be the day someone found out. Today would be the day you were considered “Not good enough” simply because of how you were born….

Of course the Government changed that didn’t they…..at least for some….

Now Gays and Lesbians can serve openly but NOT us Transsexuals. Oh no. We are too confusing. We have something “wrong” with us. We, again, aren’t good enough. Did you know that being Gay, Bi or Lesbian is no longer considered by most of the scientific community to be a choice? Nor is it considered a Mental Illness. How lucky we are as Transsexual to have our own little place in the DSM IV; Book of Mental Health. Sad to say that some believe we simply have a mental disorder. Gender Identity Disorder. Gender Dysphoria.

Clearly we are not “Normal” but to say we are somehow “defective” does not sit well with me. The reason for that is, if we truly have a disorder, if we truly need help to be made right, why doesn’t insurance cover transitioning? Why is it so hard to find help? Why are we not protected by the same laws that protect the mentally ill? I mean surely if you’re going to say we have a mental disorder we should get the treatment of others with disorders, yes?

No. We must Veil ourselves. Verily I do not wish the LGB community to think I am in anyway against them, but certainly the big “T” in LGBT is clearly not getting the same treatment as the rest of the letters. Maybe its because we are close to the end of the alphabet?

In closing, sadly I understand that we must hide. Many of us have no choice. To be TS is vastly harder, in my opinion, then simply being Homosexual. Its something you can’t really know or understand unless you have walked this path. We all know what its like to be hunted, beat up, rejected, denied, oppressed etc, but in the end who’s the person who looks in the mirror and see’s a male or female, square jaw, broad chest and shoulders, a penis or see’s breasts, hips, thighs, a vagina and wishes to God above he or she could just wake up one day from this nightmare of being in the wrong body.

You see, our veil is deep. Our whole body is our mask. Sometimes the entire world we build is nothing more then a set in which to play the part of our own sad lives as something we are not, unable to remove the make-up. Some of us break free, transition as far as we like and build new worlds, real worlds that we are happy in. Many do not. Some, in the end, cannot bear the weight and end their journey, unable to play their role in their mask any longer.

To everyone though who is wearing a mask, despite how deep or shallow it may be, LGB or TG alike, remember the “Inch”. Remember to not let anyone take it away. Not even you. Your time will come. Your fear will end. One day, there will simply be too many of us who have shed our masks to ignore any longer. One day we will know Freedom. Forever



~ by LiVia on May 2, 2011.

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